You’ve got to be kidding!

Graham R. Cooper

Part One

[Chorus from 'I Am the Walrus']

I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob
Goo goo a'joob g'goo goo g'joob, g'goo
Joob! Joob! Joob!

“The time has come,” the Walrus said, “to talk of goo goo g’joob.” And, he added, “The world’s my oyster. Is it not? Let’s milk it for all it’s worth.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!” the Carpenter said.

“I’m not kidding,” the Walrus said. “No whey!”

But June’s does are into kidding – usually some out of the way nook in their paddock. And I’m into kidding around: “The world’s my oyster. Or do I crawl back into my shell? Nah, let’s milk it for all it’s worth.”

You’ve got to be kidding! – a number of does – that’s if you want a guts-full of unpasteurised goat milk, yoghurt and cheese sloshing around like gulletable oysters in the belly of the Walrus.

House cows calved out their niche here for donkey’s years. Nah, just horsing around -we’ve never kept donkeys, but daughter Jemma did have a horse for a couple of years. A Jersey (not a jumper) house cow’s a lovely animal, but, for us, now a creature of our past.

The sad “Nevermore” still echoes down the years. Rave on: “Nevermore. Nevermore. Nevermore.” After much sole-searching, a step too far – worn out souls going to and fro’, to and fro’ ‘twixt milky cow and milky goats. Now with our very own Chappie the billy goat celebrating his first season of getting on our goat, June’s gone all doe-eyed – we’re now into goats (sans house cow) – re-soled boots and all.

‘Tis the season to be jolly kidding: “I am the Eggman” huffed our not so gruff Billy Goat getting his jollies. Now he’s changed his tune: “‘Tis the season to be jolly.” Countering the raven’s “Nevermore,” he’s got something jolly to crow about: “Ever more, Ever more, Ever more,” – as the kids keep coming.

But of course you’ve got to be kidding if you want to milk it for all it’s worth.

“The time has come,” the Walrus said, “for Graham to crawl back into his shell.” Aw shucks oysters, what do you think?

But answer came there none -
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.*

Now that’s what I call a real pearler!

*(‘The Walrus and the Carpenter’ – last three lines.)

The Walrus and the Carpenter by Lewis Carroll | Poetry Foundation

The Beatles – I Am the Walrus Lyrics | Genius Lyrics

The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe | Poetry Foundation

That’s all on modern-day homesteading at Little Owl Gully for this week. Next Monday I’ll let you know how things are progressing with the newborns : You’ve got to be kidding! Pt.2.

Thanks for your company. Bye for now.